my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
