My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
