Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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