I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
