apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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