I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
