Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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