i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
