First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
