I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
