So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
