DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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