He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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