i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
