Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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