I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
