Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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