Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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