i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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