My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
