rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
