well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
