Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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