Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
