Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
