i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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