After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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