I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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