I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
