the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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