Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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