You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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