No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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