I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im holly from the hills drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
