Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
