So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize