I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
