i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
