he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
