At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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