I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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