I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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