the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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