If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
