guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
