I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
