dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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