Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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