I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
