Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
