Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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