he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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