maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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