Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
