i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
