girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
