A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
