Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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