Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
