oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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