On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
