So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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