how do flat chested girls get laid?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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