The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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