i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize