I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
