If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
