It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
