I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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