So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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