She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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