I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
