it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
