So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think my moral compass just broke
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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