I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
