I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
