i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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