she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
