My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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