does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
