Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
