sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
