Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
