it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
