Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize